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maybe I don't have a choice

and maybe that is all I have.

After Always
20 July 1980
External Services:
  • a_fter@livejournal.com
Name: After Always
Alias: A
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Homosexual
Habit/Neurosis: A, when stressed or nervous, uses ribbons, string, and rope to distract himself - tying and untying knots, tying ribbons onto people, and the like. Generally, you can tell just how stressed he is by how many ribbons he's tied into B's hair or around his own arms. He also has deep anxiety issues and a tendency towards depression and self-hatred.
A's usually a quiet, calm boy, who smiles warmly and acts almost as a 'big brother' to many of the younger orphans. While he's reclusive and spends a lot of time studying alone in his room, working on the various assignments he recieves as 'first', he's not in any way cruel. In fact, he's protective and kind, and enjoys the company of his closest friend, B. In his good moments or when he's not overly stressed, he's funny, kind, and warm, if a bit prone to romanticism and overprotectiveness.

However, he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and it's evident if one watches closely enough. He does his work incredibly meticulously and with incredible focus, but if he makes a mistake and someone else catches it, he visibly tenses and becomes snappish. If he catches his own mistakes when alone, he can go into practical hysterics, yelling at himself for 'failing L' like this. He thinks that he has to be perfect, not just good like the other successors, and so any deviation from perfection is enough to at least damage his psyche.

He compensates for this constant anxiety by making himself feel needed and important. One of the reasons for his 'big brother' issue is that his paranoia is someone mitigated by feeling like he helped someone else or that someone else depends on him. This is one of the reasons he spends so much time with his rival, B - the other boy has so few friends that A can make himself feel that he is helping B by being his friend. In short, he tries to make sure that he always feels like he has a purpose - after all, that sense of identity and drive is one of the most fragile aspects of his personality, and one of the most easily shattered.
A's a handsome young man, short at 5'4" but with slender limbs and somewhat wide shoulders. His skin is fairly pale from the amount of time he spends indoors, and his features are elegant, if a bit pointy. His eyes are a dark blue with the slightest hint of purple. His hair is short, black, and messy, falling into his eyes slightly. He favors fairly simple clothing in muted greys and blacks, and likes high-collared jackets and shirts.

[PB: Kamui Shirou of X/1999]
After was born to a fairly normal British family and for the first three years of his life, he was happy in a simple, toddler-ish way. Then his parents died in a car crash and, since his parents had no immediate relatives, his life became a whirlwind of orphanages and foster homes. Each place found themselves unable to care for the hyperintelligent, too-quiet child, and so he was sent from place to place, without any stability.

But then, when he was 6, Wammy's House opened its doors. The orphanage sent out testers to search for students who should be moved to Wammy's, and After was one of those chosen. Quickly he found himself sent to England, renamed as A, and subjected to a series of tests designed to see just where he would fit into the Orphanage. At first A barely cared, but he slowly came to realize that the Orphanage wasn't just going to send him on, like most had. He fit in at Wammy's in a way he had nowhere else. Still, part of him still worried that maybe he wasn't good enough and would be sent on again.

To his surprise, he quickly found himself in the role of the first in line to be L. He met and bonded with the second in line, B, despite the boy's oddities, and quickly they were close friends. The next few years of his life passed peacefully enough, as he got settled into his happy life.

But the peace couldn't last forever. and as A got older his assignments as L's successor got harder and harder. Slowly, he began to slip (at least in his own eyes), and the stress began to worsen. He spent more time thinking about L and about being L's successor, and eventually told B that he and A were going to work together as successors - partially because B was depressed, but also partially because A needed the support. They nicknamed each other Lue and Luxaky, so that together they could be LL.

Recently, things have restabilized somewhat. He's still stressed, but he's a bit calmer, a bit more able to relax - even if he does still have nightmares of L kicking him out of the Orphanage for being unworthy.
A is a character for the_succession, played by madelineusher. The concept for A is taken from Death Note: Another Note, which the player claims no right to. The player also claims no rights to the appearance of Kamui Shirou.
Layout profile code thanks to ReversesCollide
always l, b, being the successor, beyond birthday, knots, l, lue, luxaky, ribbons, studying, work